I wake up and it’s empty
My bed
My heart
My mind
And sometimes my soul.
There’s a piece of me that left with you when you left me.
A piece of me that I didn’t know.
A piece of me that I’m still trying to figure out for myself.
Who am I? Who am I without you?
Why was I the person that I was before we ended?
Why did you change and treat me like I was nobody?
You told me to change and to get help, so I did.
But it wasn’t good enough for you.
You gave up on me.
On us.
Our future.
I hate you for that.
And yet I still miss your presence.
But I don’t miss how you’d barely kiss me like it didn’t mean anything to you.
Like how you’d come home from work, walk into our bedroom, barely acknowledge me, and turn right back around to be around the guys who never cared in the first place.
You became them.
And you stopped caring about me.
I kept trying, always trying. Always putting you first before me. Always.
You truly made me feel like nothing-like I shouldn’t be alive anymore because the man I loved would say that nobody cared about me nor wanted to be around me. That was a fucking piece of shit and you never stood up for me. Never helped me. Never tried anymore.
Never said I love you unless I said it first in the last few years of our relationship.
And I married you. You took that away from me. That day. That special moment and time in my life.
It is now 6 months later and filing for divorce.
I want to scream and bash my fists into the walls and hate you so badly for what you did to me.
But I can’t hate you. 10 years and I can’t hate you.
I can’t but I want to.
I just miss you.
"
I want you to know that you ruined me. That I don’t know if I can recover from this.
This isn’t me being dramatic or trying to make you feel bad, this is me putting the cards on the table and telling you that telling me you were different and that you would love me despite my flaws, and then throwing my insecurities in my face was cruel.
"- You hurt be beyond repair, I will never be the same. I will mend the wounds but the scars will remain a painful memory. (via crashingwaves-burningsouls)
“Could you see it? Could you see in my eyes how you broke my heart?”
–1:14 AM
"I’m over it, I swear. But sometimes I still see your face in a crowded room or find myself looking for you in strangers, sometimes I still feel your hands on my skin and I smell your perfume on my sheets. Sometimes, even though I’m over it, it still hurts."
- 1:13pm
(via written-on-polaroids)
(via written-on-polaroids)
"I just wish letting you go was as easy as letting you in."
- Poetry At Most (via poetryatmost)
I hate the person I turn into when I fall for someone. I hate how I’m willing to to do anything and everything to keep that person in my life. I hate how I am careful with my words because I don’t want to hurt him even though the wounds from his poisonous words have not even begun to heal. The bad behavior I tolerate, the excuses I make for him, the crap I put up with. The uncountable chances I give him but somehow I can’t grant myself the same kindness. If I make a mistake? It’s only fair that he leaves me. I fucked it up. The constant overthinking, the relentless fear of being ignored or ghosted and all the self blame. It’s like I abandon me.
It’s exhausting when I don’t even have me in my corner.
“i dreamt that you told me you loved me, and i didn’t say it back.”
maybe I’m finally free ( @late-nights-and-daydreams )
"Give your heart time to heal because loving when damaged is only gonna result in another heartbreak."
- Me (via laelae-panda)